I haven’t written regularly in a great, long while. During this time, I’ve been trying to recover from a self-imposed stressful period by enjoying family and personal time more, giving myself permission to live life, and by delving a little deeper into why I got in that stressful spot in the first place. And, of course, I’ve been monitoring myself on how everything related back to food.
What I found was a lot of fear, a lot of desire to please others, and generally too many people to try to please at that point. I knew change was needed, and tough decisions needed to be made, but I wasn’t willing to do it.
I saw that food was offering a good hiding place from the perfect storm I was waiting to hit me with a deluge of misfortune. Food was a psychic umbrella for me, if you will. In other words, it tried to resume the old place that it had in my life. Or, it’s probably more appropriate to say that I was emotionally vulnerable and let it take that place. I came to realize that, rather than trying to stop myself from emotional eating, it was more important to try to figure out why I was having the emotions. I have been untangling those issues and have been earnestly making a shift in how I perceive the world, and the amount of control I have in it, and it has felt good to know that I can live differently.
At the same time I was going through that stress, and for some time before that, I realized that I was becoming pretty accepting of how I looked. In my last entry, I talked about not knowing whether I wanted to lose a lot more weight or not. I have come to realize that I am pretty satisfied with where I am weight-wise. I’d like to get more toned and be lighter for preventative health reasons, but I don’t feel a desire to lose a substantial amount of weight just for the sake of losing weight. I’ll consider myself in a maintenance phase of continued healthy eating, with splurges factored in.
What does this mean for my blog? Not much. I will still be writing about healthy food options, weight loss and emotional eating. But I will be doing it from a place of someone who is a little more loving of herself, and a bit more clear on her goals.
One new thing that I’ve done with the blog, however, is to start a gallery of healthy food finds. These are interesting foods I’ve seen in my shopping travels. Visit that gallery here. And check my Twitter account (@dcangah) and Instagram account (dcangah) for pictures as I find them!